Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
