Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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