man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
