He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
