Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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