I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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