What a fucking waste of an outfit
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
