i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
