Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
