I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im holly from the hills drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize