i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
