Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
