literally had 100 drinks last night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
