she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
