Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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