tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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