Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
