he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize