Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize