He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
