If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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