I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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