When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just google imaged poop.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize