this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
