you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
