I am spending my child support on dildos
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
