I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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