just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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