Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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