Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
