i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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