She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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