I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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