I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
