Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize