She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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