i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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