you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
