No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
