To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
