where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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