So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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