The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize