At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize