thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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