where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wish there were birth control emojis
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize