Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
