Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize