I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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