I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
