my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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