first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
