I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
