Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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