I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
