highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
