If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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