just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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