I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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