white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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