I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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