I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
