I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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