Quick, to the slutcave!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
