I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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