just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize