i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize