My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
