I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
where am i from again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
