i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
