Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
