btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
