you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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