I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize