I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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