It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
