I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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