That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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