Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
