Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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