Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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