last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
