a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
