If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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