i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize