I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
