another moral hangover. fuck.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
