Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
