I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
not ubering you a puppy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize