We won't sleep together?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
