I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
