this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
