Non-Jews are for practice
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
