Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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