Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
