Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
