He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
