We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
