i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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