my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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