omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
