I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
