just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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